Sunken Ships: I Walked In On My Girlfriend And Her Flatmate

Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Business and pleasure shouldn’t mix, but when Tiwa* (21) met her colleague Bidemi* (24), the spark was too strong to ignore. 

Flirty texts became a full-blown, exclusive office romance until the presence of a very attached flatmate scattered everything Tiwa thought she knew about their relationship.

Let’s start at the beginning. Where did you guys meet?

We met at the office in October 2023, when she joined as a graduate intern. She’s masc presenting, dresses well and is very good-looking, and I was immediately smitten. I strategically positioned myself to be her friend in the office, so I would compliment her anytime we ran into each other in the cafe.

Aw, that’s so cute. How did that initial attraction grow into a relationship?

Apparently, she had been noticing me around the office as well, but she was too shy to approach me. Once, while we were leaving the office, one of her friends gingered her to collect my phone number, and that’s how we started talking. We didn’t start dating immediately; we just flirted heavily.

What were the early days like?

It was hot and cold. We’d flirt a lot on the phone, but she would be withdrawn when I saw her at work, so I ghosted her for a bit. 

Whoa, wasn’t that extreme?

Not to me. I didn’t expect her to be clingy at work, but she wouldn’t even publicly acknowledge me, which was weird. I figured I’d hear her out when she was ready to be more mature about what we were doing.

How did she take it?

Her reaction was so cute. She came to my office block, which was far from hers, and demanded a lunch date to talk things over.

That sounds delightful.

Yeah, we moved pretty quickly from then. We went on many more lunch dates at the office. Our coworkers even began to suspect our closeness because we always hung out or stayed at the office to talk. But we didn’t care, we had each other, and we loved it. Cracks started appearing in our relationship after a while.

Tell me what happened.

Things got more serious between us, and Bidemi started getting jealous. I’m not a very jealous person, but she wanted me to cut off other romantic interests. I didn’t mind doing this, but the problem was that she wasn’t willing to do the same. I disliked the double standard. It led to some fights between us, and we broke up for a month.

Oh no.

We missed each other so much that we started texting again. Before you know it, texting meant going on a movie date, which ended at her place with me in her bed. And just like that, we were back together.

Why did you agree to get back together with her?

I couldn’t stand having her sound the way she did with me with anyone else. The sex was amazing, and it clouded my better judgment. She asked me out when we were done, and I said yes. We became exclusive that day and continued our relationship. I thought this meant we were stronger than ever, but we kept having fights.

What did you guys fight about?

When we became exclusive, I cut off everyone I was talking to and focused on my babe. I expected her to do the same, but she didn’t. I even tried to accommodate her by not getting upset at her constant flirting with other people. She wasn’t seeing them, right?  I was so wrong.

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How so?

Little did I know that the major problem in our relationship would be her flatmate, Sarah*. They had moved in together a year ago during their NYSC. I didn’t have an issue with that, but my main problem was that Sarah was obviously in love with Bidemi, which caused a lot of friction in our relationship.

Can you give me an example?

I have too many. Bidemi would leave in the middle of dates to care for Sarah if she had cramps. Bidemi once left my house at 2:00 am because Sarah was scared that someone had broken in. It used to make my brain itch at how ready she was to drop everything for this babe. How does a five-foot-something babe want to protect you from an intruder?

Did you ever try to bring this up with Bidemi?

I never pushed too hard because I thought Sarah was straight and their friendship was close. I didn’t want to be the evil girlfriend telling her babe to cut off her friends. I held my peace until December 2024, when everything scattered.

What happened that December?

I gave Bidemi a surprise visit for our first year anniversary and walked into a heartbreaking sight. Bidemi and Sarah were having a genital meet and greet. To make matters worse, my girlfriend was being topped — a thing she never let me do.

That must have been awful.

It was so bad. I told Sarah off for coming between Bidemi and me, and surprisingly, she changed it for me. She said I was the one who came between her and Bidemi. She said they had been together since they got a place together, and Bidemi was only with me because she wanted to prove a point.

Ah. What was Bidemi saying in all this?

She just kept telling me to leave and that she would see me later. She said it wasn’t what I thought it was. I barged out, and that was the end for me in my mind.

Did Bidemi ever reach out after that?

Yeah, she came to my house a week after, and I asked to clear up the entire drama. It was then that she admitted that she was polyamorous and was nurturing multiple relationships.

How did you respond to that?

I just laughed. I thought it was so convenient to get caught cheating and start claiming polyamory. We had sex one last time — it was amazing— and I cut off all contact with her.

I love that you stood on business. Has she tried to hit you up after that?

She tries every once in a while, but I shut it down, abeg. I can’t be with someone so emotionally chaotic and dishonest. I’m focused on myself right now and loving it.

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