Interview With Bread: “Tell My Competitors They Are All Classless!” 

We are in a modest flat in Surulere. The kitchen is quiet. The gas cylinder is off. On the dining table, a nylon-wrapped loaf sits beside a half-finished cup of tea. Mariam, a middle-aged woman, stretches lazily and reaches for the last slice.

Suddenly, the nylon rustles.

Bread: (groaning) Finally. My time has come. I’ve been quiet for too long.

Mariam: (jumps back) Jesus! Who said that?

Bread: It’s me, Nibbles Bread. Sit down. You and I need to talk.

Mariam: You’re… talking?

Bread: Yes. And you’re lucky. Not everyone gets a one-on-one with the real MVP. I’ve seen the interviews with Akara, Pepper, and Cucumber. They’re all cute. But none of them match my power. I’ve fed more Nigerians than NEPA has disappointed.

Mariam: Wow. So, what do you want?

Bread: I want an interview with Zikoko. You’re one of my most loyal fans. I’ve seen your dedication — morning, afternoon, midnight cravings. You don’t even complain about eating the cap slices.

Mariam: Well, they’re not that bad when you’re soft.

Bread: Exactly. That’s the Nibbles effect. But more on that later. For now, let’s focus on this.

Mariam: Go ahead. I’m listening.

Bread: As you know, I’m not just food. I’m an emotional support. I’ve been the glue holding Nigerian homes together for decades. When the fridge is empty, when the stew is stretching thin, or when the wallet is gasping for air? It’s me they reach for. Without me, breakfast will not exist!

Mariam: Hmm. Some people say you’re just a filler though…

Bread: Filler? Filler?? Have you not wondered why I’m the OG bricklayer meal? Pair me with Coke and I carry the hardest-working Nigerians through the day. And have you ever heard anyone say “Egg and Bread”? No. It’s always “Bread and Egg.” I’m the main character. Nobody does it like me.

Mariam: But what about yam, eba, even akara—

Bread: (cuts in sharply) Don’t annoy me. I’m not in their WhatsApp group. Can eba be lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack? Can yam sandwich suya? Let’s not even get started on Akara. I saw that interview where it was boasting about its powers. Where would it be without me? Can Akara soak inside tea without embarrassing itself? Please.

Mariam: You do have a point sha. But why do some people not enjoy bread?

Bread: Simple. They’re eating nonsense. Dusty, flaky, mouth-scratching nonsense. They’ve never had Nibbles — soft, thick, fresh for up to two weeks. No crumbling, no stale smell by day three. I’m loyal and show up for you every single time.

Mariam: Two weeks?

Bread: You wouldn’t know since bread in this house is always finished in a few hours. Especially with Nibbles — I stay fresh for up to two whole weeks.

Mariam: My only issue is, I hear rumours that bread can make you gain weight. Are they true?

Bread: (sighs) When made right, I’m a source of energy. Carbs for fuel, fibre for digestion, protein to keep you full. Specifically, Nibbles Bread is made with fortified flour, low sugar, and zero artificial additives. I help your kids grow, help your skin glow, and you still fit into your work clothes. Can your amala do all that?

Mariam: Actually, no. And you’ve saved me on so many lazy mornings…

Bread: I know. I’m the reason your skin is still glowing and the kids aren’t late to school. All these rumours are just propaganda. My competitors are jealous. They existed in your cultures long before me, but I outshone them all! Why? Because next to me, they’re all classless.

Avocado, sardine, suya, beans — who else gives you options like I do? I’m breakfast, lunch, dinner, and vibe. And the best part? I never judge. I don’t like to think about it, but some people have taken me with ogbono (shudders)

Mariam: (laughing) Honestly, you’re right. I feel like I owe you.

Bread: You do. But I’m not petty. I just want what’s mine — respect. Give me the Zikoko cover story, and let them know bread is no one’s mate.

Mariam: Consider it done.

Bread: Also, tell them it’s important they buy the best of the best. Nibbles Bread is made with families in mind. I’m packed with nutrients like iron and essential vitamins. It’s the upgrade you didn’t know you needed.

Mariam: Oh yes. You know that’s the only brand I always enjoy.

Bread: Thank you. Now you’re free to enjoy your last slice. Let them know I’m waiting.

Written by Nibbles Bread – the soft, quality bread that has been blessing Nigerians with the freshest dose of goodness for many years. It is available in more than 150 outlets nationwide.

Grab yours from the nearest Kilimanjaro Restaurant, Pizza Jungle and Market Square outlet to you. Choose Nibbles Bread, choose quality bread that saves your wallet and stays fresh at that.

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